I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
