you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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