I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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