You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
