sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The air was thick with penises
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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