Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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