New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
