he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize