can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
