You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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