You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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