My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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