So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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