Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
