Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
