Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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