saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize