you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
