Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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