you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
