We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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