So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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