Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
