Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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