I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
