when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
