Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
