What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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