is your mom at the bar?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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