..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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