I'm gonna have a badass scar
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
