Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
