I skipped work to stalk him.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
