Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
