4 words: hood of his car
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
