Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
