Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
