im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
