There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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