Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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