allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
