My friends, they love my intelligence
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
