I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
