No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
