Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
