Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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