Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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