It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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