So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
