I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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