you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
