It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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