is your mom at the bar?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
