I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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