You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
