she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
