I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
