this boner is exhausting
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
