The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
