You can't motorboat a personality
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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