2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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