You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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