A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This girl is more easily done than said...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
