when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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