Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
