I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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