my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
