i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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