I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When are your genitals available?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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