my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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