no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
