Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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