I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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