I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
