So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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