So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize